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  • Why they were right all along.

    I went for a bike ride at lunchtime today. I think it’s the first time I’ve ridden a bike since approximately August 2005, they were right, it isn’t something you forget. That wasn’t even the point I was trying to make, that was just (possibly) a fact. The thing that I’ve realised they were right about all along is the benefit of fresh air and exercise.

    I have found (since I started my fairly laissez-faire routine) that I breathe deeper and clearer, that my posture is better, that my eyes seem bluer for fucks sake, and it’s all down to the fact that I managed to quit smoking, cut back on my drinking and get out and do something. It’s such a basic thing to do but the benefits are really impressive. I feel brighter. I’m more focused, it’s like everything that Ritalin promises but it’s a natural high. Isn’t that a kicker!

    What I’d say is put down the remote control/controller/pipe and go out in the sun for a bit, it’s better than spending five minutes contracting cancer in a UV booth in a pair of paper knickers.

    Written in my garden.

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  • Redrafts are hard.

    Straight up. Simple as that. I could just not write anymore. The statement alone does it all. I won’t stop there though, because you’re already hanging on my every word.

    I’ve established the reason I don’t ever redraft anything is that you’re basically accepting that you didn’t get it right initially. I’m one of those incredibly annoying trivial people who like to be right about everything (and to be right in the first instance). I hope there’s a bit of that in you as well or you will have already been turned irreversibly from me.

    Last night I started redrafting my novel, a task I have simultaneously put off myself and been told to put on hold by others. Everyone says you should give it some space before you start in on it again but I can’t sit still. In the three weeks since I finished my novel I have drafted no less than five short stories for a compilation due by the end of the year, in the words of Led Zeppelin: ‘I gotta roll, can’t stand still, got a flaming heart, can’t get my fill’ – yeah, that works quite nicely.

    It turns out that an appropriate amount of time has passed because in the four pages (of one hundred and sixty eight) I managed to read through last night there were bits that jarred or just should have and could have been written better, and that’s just what the process is for, I know it’s going to cause me many a sleepless night but the whole thing is a true labour of love, and therefore something I want to get exactly right.

    For those asking when they can read it start an orderly queue outside your local bookstore, I’ll be right with you.

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  • Salinger.

    There are two initials that seem to follow me, they have done since my teens, since I was introduced to Catcher In The Rye at the sweet age of sixteen, this initials are J.D.

    I am currently re-re-re-reading For Esmé; With Love & Squalor and I had forgotten how true an artist Salinger really is. It’s easy to just skim over the details when reading a novel but the way Salinger does it is like nothing else, I’m biased I suppose, I’ve been an advocate for practically a decade. I think what I like about reading his stuff is that it showed me that not all books are about bold adventures, or larger than life characters, there is something beautiful in the description of the tasks of the every day and the humdrum conversations we all have, if you harness that you can pull it apart and that’s what he seems to do so well, any of his work is a pleasure to get lost in, and it relit my love of reading at an age when I guess a lot of other people are getting turned off.

    His reach extends beyond literature and his influence can be felt in any of Wes Anderson’s films; the flawed character, the questionable psyche, the endless smoking, it’s all there and it’s a wonderful compliment to a man who turned so far from the limelight that it’s hard to martyr him now.

  • I miss you.

    I keep getting to thinking about the people I’ve lost in the last couple of years, it’s a process which I’ve been nobly informed is called ‘reality checking’ where you think of something you want to tell the person and then remember that unfortunately it isn’t a possibility, that they aren’t there to be told, and that really hurts. I think that’s when I miss them most of all.

    After finishing the first draft of my novel there were five people I immediately wanted to tell and three of those aren’t with me anymore. It upsets me that they never got to see me finally get my act together and ‘finish it already’ as my dear Grandma put it, I know they’re all watching over and that’s all well and good but it doesn’t change the fact that not a day goes by where I don’t have to reality check.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is never leave a room on bad terms, always tell people you love them and hold them forever.

  • Shantaram

    I jumped into this book knowing very little about it which I believe is always an agreeable experience, if you haven’t read it I would recommend going and doing so before you read any further which somewhat depletes this being any kind of review, which means I’m writing for myself, which I believe should be the first bulletpoint on a list of why anyone writes.

    Shantaram is the story of ‘Linbaba’ to give him the title he assumes for most of the book, an Australian convict who escapes his sentence and makes it to Bombay where he becomes tied to life there – (See, still keeping it broad, don’t want to give too much away)

    At this stage I don’t know how accurate the information contained in the story is, I’m really hoping its not another Million Little Pieces because it broke my heart to learn that wasn’t entirely true or it wasn’t the writers experience or however else the lie was worded. What I will tell you is what I took away from reading it, hence ruining any chance of this being considered a review.

    There is something so incredibly brutal and unforgiving about the protagonist, he’s done time, he sees no issue with busting skulls or asserting himself but at the same time he has the kind of soul that isn’t usually worn quite so on the sleeve, he’s as hard on himself as he is on his competition, he has a strong moral code (of his own devising) and stands by it when everyone else has clearly gone made. What I’m trying to say is that this guy has the ability to kill and the ability to love and the joy of the book is that you never know which you’re going to get. I imagine that when Hollywood get their hands on it Tom Hardy will be short listed for the lead.

  • What improv gave me.

    For the best part of a year I’ve been attending an improvised comedy workshop. Tonight is our second show and to put it in the words of the little girl in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation I am ‘shitting rocks’. I wouldn’t want it any other way. Five minutes before I ‘perform’, be that in a band, playing acoustic, giving a speech, improv, whatever, I take myself away for five minutes to make sure the Fear isn’t going to rise. This stems from a gig I did for a friend where I ended up puking before we were due onstage. Since then it’s become a ritual to go and hide for five minutes in the toilet. Earlier today it was best described by my partner in crime Jocasta as my ‘Eminem bit’.

    That aside though, improv has done a lot for me. I’m not quite so overwhelmed or scared by groups of people or looking like a dick because every week for two hours I do my best to make people laugh by looking like a dick. It’s only when you manage to knock that self-conscious feeling aside that you can happily act like a dick and I think people appreciate that.

    I’ve also met some awesome people, it’s a strange mix that turn up for the workshop but it feels like we are all going somewhere (but this is a topic I’ve spoken about before). The important thing to remember is that I trust these guys now, they sort of get me (as much as human beings can ever begin to understand each other) and we have a laugh (often at each others expense).

    Improv will also forever be associated with my friend Danny, who I lost in November of last year. He dragged me to that first session without telling me anything about it, including the fact we had ten weeks before our first show, I will never forgive him for that, but that’s the reason I still turn up week after week, to show that there was more to it than just wanting to spend time with him, I was learning a lot more about what I was capable of, what I was comfortable with and it’s made me all the better for the experience.

    I think every once in a while it’s good to throw yourself into a metaphorical ice bath like that.

  • I’ve lost today’s blog

    I’m really annoyed. I started a post this morning about why we should legalise weed and it’s decided to delete itself before I could finish it. Curses.

  • Crying (sad) wolf

    I’d like to begin this post with a disclaimer, I am not pointing a finger at anyone in particular. If you’re annoyed by what I’ve said then you need to think about why and maybe reconsider the way you conduct yourself.

    In the four years that I have been working I have noticed a very casual attitude to the concepts of stress and depression. It seems perfectly acceptable to threaten to get signed off by a doctor if you don’t get your way and I have issues with that.

    I’ve suffered with bouts of depression for over a decade and know it is not a subject to be taken lightly. I am therefore disgusted that anyone would have the audacity to cry wolf on such grounds. Getting signed off from work with stress or depression is not a get out of jail free card, it is not an extra holiday, it is a serious matter that people clearly aren’t educated about properly. The idea of someone threatening to get signed off seriously upsets me, because it makes the very poison that curdles inside me when i trough seem like it is a joke.

    The fact of the matter is that it’s something that I am working through, and will continue to work through. I was offered to be signed off and didn’t take the bait because that just means what I’m fighting has won an extra bit of ground, it’s interrupted my flow. Although when it is bad I can spend days in bed I try to hold these off to weekends if necessary, the thought of being off work due to my problems is not an idea I would entertain. I have also been offered (and refused) anti-depressants. My reason for never doping myself up in this way is exactly the same, it means you can’t handle it on your own, and want all of your senses closed off. From what I know of anti-d’s they can be more dangerous than the depression itself. I’d much rather slowly face my demons than hide from them.

    Thank you for reading.

  • Why I refuse to live for the weekend

    I’ve noticed a trend on my Facebook news feed of people complaining about it being Monday, like they didn’t see this coming. I can only assume they are not aware of Mufasa’s Circle of Life speech. Surely this is the most immediate example of wishing your life away.

    I love a weekend as much as the next guy but there is a lot more to enjoy, it isn’t just a link between the weekends, it isn’t the DLR, it’s the majority of your time. If you’re living your life for the weekend you’re reducing your life to 28.5% of what it should be, that’s depressing right. I decided a while ago that the best thing to do was to find wonder in the little things you enjoy during the week, I like Mondays because I secretly crave structure and heading to work is plenty of structure. I like Tuesdays because it’s usually the night I cook for my girlfriend and I chuffing love cooking. The week continues like that basically, you find some little thing to enjoy, because that’s what counts, it’s the little things.

    It just seems a terrible shame to only think of your weekends as a time to ‘get messy’. Maybe it’s another example of me heading for being a cranky old man but I don’t see the joys in that anymore. It ruins my brain completely, I don’t feel right with a hangover, I’ve lost faith in going out on the lash, I don’t have the time for it, there are better things to do, it’s just a shame nobody agrees with me.

  • Now that’s what I call a first novel (an almost review of Less Than Zero)

    It’s hard to review a book you’ve read at least ten times because you’re instantly hung up on it all when you start. A friend (the same one who couldn’t work out why he didn’t have an Aston Martin) asked me how I could possibly read the same book more than once. Friend is a strong term actually, especially considering he said that.

    The wonder of Less Than Zero is just how stark it is, all of the characters may as well be Clay [the protagonist], everyone is blonde, tan, thin, high. The things he sees and experiences don’t seem to register and it’s hard to like someone who is so non committal to an opinion (I know that’s ended relationships for me in the past). What makes it work is that everyone is so rich and thin and tan and young but they’re all complete fuck ups. That’s the real joy of it. I done know much about Easton Ellis’ approach to research for the novel but it feels personal and I can only assume he knows these kids, or knew these kids, and they’re a similar breed to what pop up in his other work (even American Psycho has a crossover with Camden).

    I’d tell you to go and pick up a copy, but assume everyone has read it. It makes me think of the Beatles lyric: ‘I don’t care too much for money, money can’t buy me love’. The characters carry on in their eighties vision of ownership and material worth and it’s so empty, they might as well be fucking a crack in the wall.

    Read it though, it’s very interesting.

Paul Schiernecker

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