Paul Schiernecker

Category: Reviews

  • The Life And Loves Of Jet Tea – a review

    Jet Tea is a man plagued by the twenty-first century. Stuck in a series of jobs which don’t really do justice to the years of ability he has built up, and dumped by the first real love of his adult life, he bounces from pillar to post, and pub to pub, trying to find love and answers at the bottom of a pint glass.

    The joy of The Life and Loves of Jet Tea is in how English it is, therefore how relatable. There is an element of Douglas Adams to the prose, the awkward nature of not really being completely comfortable with the way we feel about our surroundings. Set against a backdrop of West London it’s a literary A-Z of the places to head if you want to face the arseholes you spend so long avoiding and confront everything which disenfranchises you from the world you are unfortunately a part of.

    Accompanying Jet Tea on his voyage of self-discovery are his two sole friends, Maurice and Hayden, who for the most part are the cooler sect of the tripod. While they are all able to make a mischief of themselves, there is the image that Jet Tea isn’t able to deal with these things in the way his friends do. His dyslexia and distance from the world make him a target on top of his outwardly expressed ‘geeky’ appearance, and there is the concern he will never come out on top. Faced with rejection at every turn he continues unabated for the things we all want in our mid-twenties.

    The book is comforting, thought-provoking and hilarious throughout, displaying the kind of aforethought only someone who has been there could have achieved. It’s a must read, and can be picked up through Amazon.

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  • How to solve a problem like the Goth Detectives

    Last night I was lucky enough to visit the Royal Albert Hall for one of the Teenage Cancer Trust gigs curated by bumbling, coarse hero of the north, Noel Gallagher. The night in question was one of comedy, notably pegged as a show by the Goth Detectives; the collective term for Russell Brand and Noel Fielding.
    The name came as a result of the pair appearing on a team together on Big Fat Quiz Of The Year a few years ago and they have quite literally run with it.

    I had never been to the Albert Hall before. It still holds an air of grandeur even when Brand referred to it as a mausoleum.

    The show opened with a plasticine stop-motion animation by Fielding where the pair searched for the cure for cancer before being given a lift to the gig by “golden fleece haired” mod hero Roger Daltrey who then bounded out onto the stage to introduce the pair.

    Brand and Fielding work well together in that they both crave chaos and attention. Their show seemed to have some kind of script or plan or intention behind it but that quickly gave way to Russell trying to impregnate everything and Noel saying silly things just to be quirky.
    After a brilliant rambling opening gambit they introduced Sean Walsh to the stage.

    I first saw Walsh perform at a tiny warm up gig on a boat approximately two years ago. He was a stand out performer then, and has only got better I am pleased to report. His observational comedy is not as stilted and predictable as the likes of McIntyre or Evans, the things he comments on are the awkward ways of the English nature and trying to maintain a modicum of masculinity in today’s society. His physical comedy is parallel to his spoken word, equal parts the mime and the joker.

    Russell returned to the stage to carry out a bit of solo stand up which was a clear highlight. It’s good to see despite his recent Hollywood dalliances and bus surfing Olympic appearance his life is still a series of embarrassing events linked together by telling people about those embarrassing events.
    I’ve been a fan since his drug addled days on MTV and it’s good to see the lack of opiates in his system has made him wilder and smarter.

    This was followed by Noel performing his character Roy Circles from Luxury Comedy. Roy is a chocolate finger PE teacher who I believe was in the army, it was hard to work out.
    I tried really hard to enjoy Luxury Comedy but it just wasn’t the Boosh. Maybe that was the point. Maybe I’m too much of a square to get it.
    Following a brief eulogy of Neil Armstrong by the moon the first half ended.

    The second half of the show began with a short film about the Teenage Cancer Trust and the excellent work they do. They are the only charity who solely work with young people with cancer.
    Noel Gallagher then took to the stage accompanied by one of the girls aided by the support of TCT. That has just reminded me to donate actually.

    Russell and Noel returned to attempt to solve a goth mystery, as they are after all supposed to be detectives. The suggestion box they placed at the front of the stage before the break was just full of witchy woman witterings and attempts to be funny.
    When that failed they pulled a skinhead from the audience and decided to call his stepdad live on stage. Russell joked he was yet to learn his lesson about calling up someone’s relatives for a joke.

    Tony Law was the notable highlight of the second half. The vikrate/piking has been on the peripheries for far too long and Fielding’s admiration of his act helped in getting him the slot. As a comedian he is incredible to watch. You never know exactly where his jokes are heading in the best possible way.
    His ‘Two elephants in a bar’ skit had me in pieces and despite the scowls of people who obviously wanted something a little more obvious and vacuous he went across well.

    This was followed by the return of the Goth Detectives as they gave a student a goth makeover, cutting his ginger bob and forcing him into black leggings. The act would have been slightly more successful if they weren’t faced with a brick wall as a model. The kid just looked miserable, and this was before they spray painted his hair and face.

    It was a great evening and excellent for the Teenage Cancer Trust which doesn’t get enough respect or support. The work done to put on these events and raise awareness is incredible. Those involved deserve every kind of accolade.

    Personally I would like to thank James for sorting me a ticket, to Jack for finding such a supreme steakhouse and to Sandy for getting the beers.

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    Picture courtesy of @rustyrockets

  • Abbey Road Studios.

    I am not a religious man. Tonight I had the closest thing I can compare to what I imagine a religious experience to be. There were no choirs of angels. There were no pearly gates or elephant gods or laughing golden buddhas. There was just a converted house in North London with a zebra crossing outside.
    In a stroke of luck so wide it could only have been made with an industrial roller I was asked if I wanted to attend one of a series of speeches given by Kevin Ryan and Brian Kehew who wrote the critically acclaimed book Recording The Beatles.
    At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke. For a boy who grew up listening to Magical Mystery Tour and Sgt Peppers rather than nursery rhymes, who learnt With A Little Help From My Friends on piano while everyone else was off playing football, who once said anyone who doesn’t like The Beatles is inherently evil, it is basically the dream assignment. After standing about drooling for five to ten minutes I accepted the challenge and attended the talk.

    The lecture covered the full history of the studio, from its days under EMI as His Master’s Voice, Columbia and Parlophone right through to it’s liberation and status as a listed building. A lot of the talk was focused on The Beatles, and rightly so, their music is Abbey Road’s most famous export. It would be like giving a talk on Amsterdam that didn’t cover prostitution, relaxed drug laws and tulips.
    The amazing thing about the studio is you can hear The Beatles in it. When Brian Kehew gave a demonstration of how the last note of A Day In The Life was recorded (by the four Beatles each hitting a chord on a different piano) the acoustics of the room gave it exactly the same rich quality it has on the recording.
    To create the claustrophobic blues club vibe for Yer Blues the four of them clambered into a tiny tape room above the studio itself.
    The place has an incredible ambience and an incredible history. It’s a hard thing to describe or explain. It feels as though you have been transported back, that the studio techs in lab coats could wander in at any second to set up. It’s been kept so well, preserved like a memory.

    It’s a rare treat to be granted access to the studio. As an audience we were told they are not usually accessible to the public. That didn’t stop me wanting more though. Regardless of the fact I was sat in the same room The Beatles had recorded, I wanted to see it all. It felt as though things were being kept back. On every corner between the front door and Studio Two a security guard had been placed to ensure nobody wandered off and saw something they weren’t supposed to. I was reminded of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory. It wasn’t enough I had a golden ticket, I wanted to go swimming in the chocolate river. At one point while everyone else was gumming themselves over archaic pieces of recording equipment I feigned needing to visit the little Beatles room and started off down a corridor. I found a bar. For a second I thought about going in and pretending I belonged there. Then I remembered I had an assignment to do. Disobeying orders made me need the toilet. I think I used George’s one.

    The studio had been converted into a lecture theatre by a small stage being constructed for Brian and Kevin, and their projections and videos. The rest of the room was lines of red leather chairs with metal legs. During the lecture we were told the chairs had been brought in during the 60’s as it was discovered the squeak caused by the old wooden chairs often ruined recordings and an American studio had started using ones similar. The chairs have been in the studio since then. By the end of the talk I had convinced myself I was in John Lennon’s favourite chair.

    I’ve already written two articles on the studios, and they’re a lot more professional and focused than this but I need time to geek out and freak out over being invited into my own personal Mecca

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  • You’re a wizard Paulie.

    Yesterday I was fortunate enough to experience the Making Of Harry Potter tour at Warner Bros Studios. It took me back to how I first discovered the books, and how important they became to me. When Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone (book) was released in 1997 I was ten years old. I was prime Harry Potter audience. I didn’t discover the books until two years later when Prisoner Of Azkaban was released and my parents bought me the books as a trilogy boxset. It was the first set of books to grab me since the likes of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien had done years earlier. In the space of our two week holiday in France that year I read all three books, and started again on Azkaban which still holds dominion as being my favourite. 

I was amazed you could have a literary hero who was a geeky teenager in glasses. That’s the role I filled in my family, and there was a tiny bit of me that awaited my Hogwarts letter upon our return home to England. It never arrived and I slowly grew up alongside the books. I went to a midnight opening to get a copy of Deathly Hallows. Since then Harry Potter got sidelined by any number of other pursuits. I had almost forgotten how important the books had been to my teenage years, and the subconscious effect they had on me as a fledgling writer. Luckily for me, there was time to rediscover.

On Friday it was my birthday. I turned 26. As part of the league of presents I received my wonderful Gryffindor girlfriend got us tickets for the studio tour. Knowing I was going beforehand (because she can’t keep secrets) we had spent the last couple of weekends watching the films with her brother and his girlfriend Stacy who is the go to girl for all things Potter in my eyes. I also started re-reading the books. 

This meant by the time we got to Leavesden I was about as giddy as I had been the previous Summer when we went to Disneyland Paris. As soon as you get inside they start the music and the whole experience is absolutely magical. It’s so well constructed and so well organised, and it makes you realise the efforts that went into some of the most important family films of the last twenty years. 

I won’t say too much else, I just hope the pictures do justice to the marvellous experience. 


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    On the way out you naturally have to walk through the gift shop.
I was ready to claim I wasn’t going to buy into the capitalisation of my beloved childhood book series, that I didn’t need any of the branded merchandise they were offering and there was no way I would be fooled. 
Then I found myself walking out with a t-shirt, a replica wand and a notebook for Kate.

It’s an awesome experience for anyone who has been absorbed by the Harry Potter series in the last ten/fifteen years. 
It’s a fantastic opportunity to geek out and celebrate the wizarding world.

    “Mischief managed”.

  • Django Unchained – an almost review.

    Last night I finally got to watch the new Tarantino film at the cinema (thanks Kate). It lived up to what I expect from his films. The characters were quick, the acting was spot on and the death count was high. Nobody knows how to spray blood like Tarantino, there is just a red mist over everything.
    For a boy who was brought up on a steady diet of spaghetti hoops and Spaghetti Westerns it worked a treat.
    While a little on the lengthy side it constantly ebbs to keep interest.
    The drawn out scene at dinner is punctuated with the sudden explosive shoot out for which Tarantino has become renowned.

    Jamie Foxx is one cool cat. He joins the legacy of Pitt, Thurman, Travolta and the like who have shown just how good characters can be. While it can be sent Tarantino has a penchant for stealing characters and story lines from films he personally enjoys, Foxx’s take on Django is entirely his own.
    For a film that comes in at just under the three hour tide mark the dialogue is consistently snappy, witty and engaging.

    The soundtrack is the usual blend of the classic with the disco classic as Django funks his way across the frozen South. I don’t know how or why it is acceptable but it wouldn’t be the same without it. Tarantino has said previously he will write a scene to a song, using it as a basis for the action and its nice to see he hasn’t lost this model for film writing.

    Go see it little troublemaker.

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  • The Bell Jar.

    Last night I finished Plath’s only novel. It was my first dalliance into her world aside from the poetry Kate sometimes frequents upon my ears. It was an incredible book, dark and terrifying in places but with an excellent sense of humour.
    Plath’s barely fictional Esther Greenwood is a surprisingly forward-thinking and empowering character considering the time she existed. The story follows her travelling from her home in Boston to take up a magazine apprenticeship one Summer. Completely separate from the world she is expected to enjoy Esther feels lost and disorientated at the prospect of just being a wife and a mother. Upon her return home she intends taking up a writing course but is instantly dismissed by letter. She attempts to write a novel herself but her fear of her lack of life experience prevents her from doing so.
    Esther’s depression begins to rise until she is institutionalised and then titters on the edge of what is real and what she wants.

    It’s a brave novel, and one I am very glad to have read.
    It’s hard to read completely objectively given Plath herself committed suicide a month after the book was published. There are so many warning signs she is truly suffering and yet it wasn’t a time when such states of depression could be readily identified and dealt with.
    All the same it’s an insight into how sometimes no offer can be good enough.

  • Blue Valentine – an almost review.

    Last night I watched Blue Valentine all the way through. I’m sure I have caught bits of it over the years but last night was the first time I saw it through from start to finish. It’s so good. It’s stuck with me all through today. I keep thinking about how stupid and young they were and how it all blew up and the risks and the love and everything else.
    I find myself swooning over Gosling more than I do over any other man of late. I must reiterate I am straight. I have to tell myself that sometimes.
    I can’t work out what it is but he just seems like the coolest guy.

    Michelle Williams is beautiful as well. I think that’s why I became so invested in the story. They look so good together.
    For other examples see Di Caprio and Winslet or Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy.
    The trick with making a modern love story is to throw some dirt and some reality into it. There’s no point in fairy tales, we grew up on them, we’ve heard it all. What we want is to see people struggle with their feelings, to be awkward, to get punched in the face, to lie, to fall, to cheat. It’s real. It’s how things are and should be reflected. It’s relatable. That’s what Blue Valentine does.

    You should watch it. Even if it is just for the swoon.

  • Searching For Sugar Man – an almost review.

    It takes an awful lot for a film to stick with me. Recently I’ve been watching more films than a cinema projectionist. I don’t want you to think I’m complaining. I love being a journo, I love freelancing. I love film.

    A couple of weeks ago I received Searching For Sugar Man from LoveFilm. I can’t remember if it was a recommendation someone specifically made to me or whether I just happened across it while looking for new documentaries (because I am that cool cat in the brown knitwear and spectacles).

    As I said it takes a lot for a film to stick but Sugar Man had it. I’ll explain the premise but try not to ruin it for you at the same time. In the 1970’s an artist known by the single name Rodriguez released two folk albums. His album Cold Fact became one of the albums of the times. It developed a cult following. Unbeknownst to the man himself his album became the sound of the fight against apartheid in South Africa. He was seen as a hero. Nobody knew a lot about the mysterious Rodriguez, aside from his humble beginnings in Detroit and the rumours of his violent suicide but Swedish filmmaker Malik Bendjelloul set out to track the story with the assistance of two Rodriguez megafans from Cape Town.
    I won’t say anymore. Just promise me you’ll watch it. After seeing the film I had to buy a copy of Cold Fact for myself and although I recently had to boot a friend out of my car for saying it was ‘taxi driver music’ it is packed with brilliant folk songs backed with touches of instrumentation and trippy effects.

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  • Life Of Pi – an almost review.

    A year ago I picked up a free download of a book in Starbucks. I’m a sucker for a freebie as we should all be. The book turned out to be Life Of Pi by Yann Martel. I knew absolutely nothing about it at the time. That’s going to be the problem with cinema audiences. It’s hard to arrive at a cinema completely blind to the content of a film. There are trailers, there are billboards, there are premiere specials and interviews with the stars and directors, there is merchandise.
    All I had to go on was the cover, and as we all know you should never judge a book in that way.

    Last night I finally got to see Life Of Pi in the cinema. I had been told to see it in 3D and unusually, it was a worthwhile investment. I don’t want to say anything about the story, I will just say it is a spectacular piece of filmmaking and there were moments when my mouth was agape in the sheer beauty of it all despite already being aware of the eventual outcome. Ang Lee has performed an incredible feat in bringing a beloved book to film, and while there are moments that feel slightly stretched for the sake of backstory it is worthy of its recent Academy Award nominations.

    The CGI is flawless, completely. My head is still spinning as I attempt to establish exactly how parts of it were done. It has a delirious aspect to some scenes that work so well. It’s close enough to the book in terms of the look and characters and there is no spin or Hollywood ending for the sake of it.

    Go and see it.
    Read the book first actually.
    Read it very quickly.
    Then go and see it.
    For Richard Parker.

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  • The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey – a review

    Last night I was fortunate enough to go and see the first in The Hobbit trilogy. I should point out now that there was only ever one book of The Hobbit and that this one book has been divided by Jackson into three films. I state this because last night my friend and dance guru Dan overheard someone saying they had only read “the first hobbit book”. I therefore state that simply to remove some of the ignorance out there.

    I feel it is worth commenting that I am quite protective over this story. I think it is one of those that has passed very well from one generation to the next. I know that I only read The Hobbit because it was one of the few books my Dad seemed entirely taken by. I was into C S Lewis and he told me I should read The Hobbit and I went from there through The Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
    The fact is that The Hobbit is closer to being a children’s book, it’s intended to be read out and to enthral whereas The Lord Of The Rings (although brilliant) can feel a bit like an endurance challenge.
    That’s how I saw it before I went to see the film.

    This is one of the few films that had been recommended to me for 3D viewing. A lot of the time I think it’s just a selling point or it is believed to somehow improve the cinema experience. It doesn’t generally. Especially if you wear prescription glasses. As large as my nose may be I struggle to balance two pairs of glasses on it.
    The way to look at The Hobbit is to think of it as a depth thing, rather than the Spider-Man ride at Universal Studios.
    Remember, Jackson is no conjuror of cheap tricks.

    And so, onto the film.
    There has been a little creative license at the start of the film to provide back story but I think this helps the flow later on. There is also an appearance from little punching bag Frodo Baggins. Oh sorry, that’s a spoiler I think. From there it’s pretty loyal though. The wonder of The Hobbit is that it doesn’t take itself entirely seriously. Reading it again recently the narration reminded me of Douglas Adams’ Hitchhikers (or chronologically maybe that should be in reverse). There’s this wonderful commentary to things that should be other-worldly but are introduced in such a curious English gentleman way. That is captured well and embellished with reaction shots that the book obviously couldn’t capture.

    This brings me nicely onto Martin Freeman, who I remember best as Tim in The Office. As far as I’m concerned that’s where he gets his comedy chops from and his timing and expressions in The Hobbit are spot on. It’s hard to imagine anyone else in the role, he manages to capture the little characteristics that Holm gave the character and already you can see his bravery showing as he battles orcs and goblins.

    I’m still trying to digest the ensemble cast of dwarves. I think I may trip over to IMDB today to work out where I recognised those brows from. That’s near enough all you have to go on when the lower face is bearded. It’s amazing how well the cast has fitted the visions I have had since I first read the book fifteen years ago.

    A few other points:
    The special effects are amazing. I honestly thought that hedgehog was going to die.
    Elves still seem like they had a bad acid trip to me.
    I can’t believe they didn’t notice how evil Saruman sounds and looks.
    I think I want to be Thorin Oakenshield when I grow up.
    Kate and Dan are going to be quoting everything they can remember from that film for the foreseeable future.

    In short, go and see it. It’s amazing.

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