Category: Other

I feel distant from my brothers. That distance is approximately six miles and sixteen and a half miles respectively, assuming they are at home.

I would like to think that I’m a good older brother. The only place I fall down is that I probably look younger than either of them.
I did my fair share of psychological torture when we were younger but that has phased out over time to leave beautiful friendships in my life which I will always be grateful for. I mention my brothers because in the last two weeks I have had moments with each of them where I recognised what it means to have brothers and how thankful I am to have them in my life and for them to recognise the same in their small way. Neither Robb or Edd are big gesture people. I have always been the emotional one. I once fled the table in tears when they told me Baby Spice had a boyfriend. When they were getting football kit and micro scooters for birthdays, I had a pottery wheel and the works of Lewis and Tolkien.

Last weekend I helped Robb out of a bind because he had to work unexpectedly. He does such an incredible job of juggling fatherhood and work, providing for his family to the absolute best of his ability and then falling asleep in the bath. I look at the way he keeps those plates spinning and am in awe of him. He’s doing the parent thing and I don’t know when he became such an adult.
I helped ferry his eldest, Harry, to football practice and then made cookies with Harry and Kadie, my niece.
When Robb got home I gave him some life advice and then helped him and his wife load the kids into the car. He came around to where I had just finished fighting Kadie into her seat and said “you know what, you’re a good brother”. We hugged.
That’s all I need. I would go to the ends of the earth for that boy and all he will ever have to do is acknowledge it.

Last weekend, I helped Edd and his fiancé, Angelina, move house. I got there as early as I could, with a hangover, to find the pair of them fretting because their possessions had expanded in the five years they had been in their flat. The operation of moving it all themselves was a bit overwhelming. With the help of Angelina’s family, we got it all packed up. Of course, I cut my hand open when we were shifting stuff out to the van and bled everywhere, but that’s the nature of me trying to do any manual labour. I bought a pack of black sacks and threw everything I could into bags so we could get over to their new house.

At the other side, I helped unload the van and tried to make sense of what they had brought with them.
It was a busy day and I hoped that in some way, having me there made it easier for the pair of them.
When I announced that I had to bounce, Edd hugged me and thanked me for all of my help. Again, that was all it took. I knew I had completed my part in being a good older brother. To see him in his new place, doing a fairly good impression of an adult, was a surreal experience.

I recognise that I am fortunate to be as close to my brothers as I am. That’s not the case for a lot of families. It’s like having best friends who are contractually obliged to love you. We may be older and we may be losing our hair but as far as I’m concerned, we could pull a dance routine to Grease Lightnin’ out the bag tomorrow if we needed to.

Sometimes it isn’t the content of the film itself, but instead the circumstances you watch it in. It is well recorded that I am prone to wild bouts of tears if I watch any film while on an aeroplane (I’m looking at you Amy, Inside Out, Instant Family, Lion, Infinity War, Adaptation).

I had seen Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind any number of times before I watched it on a roof in Stratford but that will always be my favourite viewing. I had seen Blade Runner a lot because a girl I was dating had to study it when we were at university but it never had a patch on the Secret Cinema screening last year.

I had never fully appreciated the power, nuance and wonder of Nora Ephron’s work until I saw When Harry Met Sally at the Prince Charles cinema in Leicester Square recently.

For those of you who are not familiar with what is objectively the greatest romantic comedy of all time, When Harry Met Sally (or WHMS as I sometimes call it for fun) centres around one human male (Harry) and one human female (Sally) and their relationship. It begins with a journey from the University of Chicago to New York where the pair are thrown together for the drive by a mutual friend. Harry has a dark side (which I can relate to) and absolutely nothing bothers Sally (which I envy). On the ride they fall out over Harry’s insistence that Sally has never had great sex and whether they should get a motel together.

I was first introduced to WHMS by my grandfather. He told me that men and women could never really be friends because the sex always got in the way. He told me this when I was fourteen. I rolled my eyes and told him that he was embarrassing and then I spent a decade proving his point.

What makes WHMS so great is the honesty of the relationship onscreen. It isn’t plain-sailing and at no point does it feel like the relationship is being played out by numbers or in a three-act structure. You completely buy into their friendship and then their relationship. I can never work out which of the pair of them I fancy (see also: Before Sunrise, Eternal Sunshine, True Romance, La La Land, Garden State, Star Wars).

I cannot recommend seeing WHMS enough. Go and see it in the cinema if you get the chance, and if you can’t get around to that, then do what I do; watch it once a month on Netflix and proudly partake of some pecan pie.

Today I celebrate three months at my new job.

I don’t often mention what I do for work because it removes the veneer that I write for a living. Very few people are afforded that luxury/burden. Like everyone else I work a job and get a wage and spend too much on payday weekend and then struggle through the rest of the month. I’m just like the rest of you lowly mortals.

The difference I feel in my new role is palpable. I spent ten of my best years working for a company who couldn’t give a single shit about me, a fact made abundantly clear when I handed in my notice and there was no question of why I would give up a career at a well-known and well-established company (even if they are notably of ill repute) to take a chance on a start-up. Fuel was added to the fire when I was hastily given a factually inaccurate leaving speech and booted out the door without an exit interview or any guidance.

I’ll tell you this much, start-ups know how to treat people. I’m positively fucking glowing with how well I am treated as a person and respected as a member of the workforce. I look forward to going in each day and being around people who believe in what they are doing. The work may be very much the same but the attitude that comes with it couldn’t be more different.

I would like to point out that most of the people I worked with in my time at this behemoth of a corpse of a company are absolutely incredible. They are beautiful, smart, funny, engaging individuals who are routinely overlooked because they aren’t white enough, male enough or middle-minded enough to make it any further. I miss a number of them and will keep in touch and hope that they are all able to make good on their own plans for their futures.

For all the good eggs, there will always be some problem children though. It seems a few too many of them were dropped on their heads as kids which left them with this glimmer of self-importance in a world where nothing you actually do has any impact. They love bureaucracy and red tape and swinging their weight around and my god, I’m glad to be clear of their reach.

So here’s my tip for people wondering if they should change it up; quit your job, shave your head and go to Costa Rica.

I don’t know if my view will ever change when it comes to the idea of me and marriage. It doesn’t change the fact that sometimes it’s awfully nice to be involved in someone else’s. On Saturday I got to enjoy the experience of seeing two of my good friends living it up in married bliss. I drank at least a bottle of red wine and I may even have shed some tears. Please do not forget that my heart will always be a husk.

In an age when so much seems to be on the dead-set path to destruction, it’s lovely to experience something loving and uplifting and joyous. I am very happy for the pair of them and know that it is the most exciting future that either of them could ever imagine but it won’t change the fact that my heart is a husk.

A good friend of mine moved away two months ago to take up an amazing opportunity, the selfish bastard. It’s strange to realise just how much a friendship can come to mean to you in the space of a year.
This weekend was the first time we were able to hang out since he moved away and it was just fantastic.
I guess, as ever, my point is to appreciate the time that you have with people, because it will only ever be fleeting. That being said, there is no animosity present and I adore him. We caught up, which meant watching YouTube videos and saying ‘I love you’ a lot and then getting milkshakes and driving around in the dead of night. I am so proud of everything he has done and will just have to hold onto the time I do get to spend with him.

It’s been a pretty wild year. I’m glad to be where I am. I’m thankful for the people around me and the person I am.

I’ve been for a run, had oreos for breakfast and I feel like I can achieve anything.

Here’s to the next year.

It’s been two wonderful weeks away from social media so far. I know I will return and I know I will pick up bad habits all over again but the reason I am doing this is to take stock of where I am at. It has meant that I am more present, I have no idea what is going on with Brexit, and most importantly I don’t really know Piers Morgan’s stance on vegan sausage rolls.

I’ve lost the twitch, the desire to reach for my phone at every moment I feel slightly uncomfortable. I’m watching a lot more films and spending my time with good people and making solid plans for this year. I cannot wait to share an awful lot of them with you, alongside the various projects I am setting in place for now and for the future.

It’s also of benefit to the world that I’m not on social media for the month when I have also decided to try a vegan diet. Aside from the flatulence and the self-righteousness, it’s been okay. It takes a bit of planning if you want to go out anywhere but aside from that I am feeling the benefits. 

For now though, be kind to one another and I’ll see you soon.

We live in an age when we have access to all the entertainment we could ever need. It can be a little overwhelming. At the start of the year I realised that I was drifting away from the music I actually owned and committing more of my time to streaming through Apple Music and Spotify. In fact, Spotify have just dropped their Wrapped details which give a breakdown of statistics on your listening activity for the year. Here are my highlights:

In an effort to ensure I was still engaging with the music I owned, I decided to listen to every song I have. I took two letters of the alphabet (starting with A and B in January, C and D in February and so on) to listen through every song I have and ensure that I appreciate it. It’s a library that dates back to my university days so some of the albums are particularly choice (here’s to you Pigeon Detectives, Courteeners, The View).
It was a nice opportunity to dig through my own past and to engage with songs and bands that I hadn’t heard in a long time. I know the age of access means we don’t need to “own” music, but all of the music I own reminds me of particular nights out or gigs or partners.
Somehow, I got ahead of myself so the breakdown of the alphabet across the year ended in November because I was able to double up a couple of months.

Take the time to go back and read an old book or listen to an album from start to finish. It might just surprise you.

For now though, I leave you with this: