Paul Schiernecker

Category: Other

  • 5 Tips for Camp NaNoWriMo

    Screen Shot 2016-06-30 at 13.44.13Camp NaNoWriMo is run every July and is basically the same as NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) which goes on in November. Writers from all over the world aim to write 50,000 words in 30 days. I’ve taken part in it for four or five years and won every year.

    It involves having to give up a lot of your life to get it done. The aim is to write 1,667 words a day which over the course of the month means you have written a whole book. Here are my five tips for a successful Camp NaNoWriMo.

    1. If you fail to plan then you will plan to fail
    I know it sounds like nonsense business speak because it is used as nonsense business speak. There is a lot of truth in it though. The way I work is to take the 50,000 words and break it up so it doesn’t seem so daunting. If you can divide it into ten then you can think of these as ten chapters of five thousand words. If you can give those chapters a title and a basis then it makes the task an awful lot easier. If you can break it to 20 chapters of 2,500 words then you can deal with approximately a chapter a day to make the word limit. This is the best way of ensuring you do not become overwhelmed by the task at hand.

    2. Don’t stop
    As a writer, whether you are new to it or not there is a tendency to go back, whether that is at the end of a paragraph, the end of a page or the end of a chapter. Just don’t. Don’t stop. Don’t edit. Don’t give yourself room to question what it is that you are writing. Hemingway famously said to write drunk and edit sober. Get pissed on NaNoWriMo.

    3. Use resources
    There is a wealth of information out there. My Google history during these projects looks like the workings of a serial killer. You would be amazed at the things you have to research for a book. I’m currently trying to understand Quantum Physics. In addition, Camp NaNoWriMo itself is really good. You are put into a cabin with others who are taking part. The one I am in already has a really nice community feel to it.
    Use friends and cabin mates. Query things. If you get stuck then ask them to throw you a curveball or assist with the process of one of your characters. You don’t always have to take their advice but the option is there to work with.

    4. Treat yo’self
    There is a lot of work involved in doing NaNoWriMo. You need to take breaks. You need incentives. Mine is often caffeine. The idea of finishing for the day and having a beer or something nice to eat, going out with friends or however else you choose to unwind can often help as a driver to get that wordcount down. Make sure that you treat yo’self.

    5. Back that shit up
    I have never lost a project but I have lost other work through not backing up in some way shape or form. A lot of the time I choose to email a copy of whatever I’m working on through to myself so I know I can access it wherever I am and in case anything should happen to Hyacinth (my MacBook). I know people who have got 20,000 words in and lost their work. You’ll never be able to replicate it again. Your head was in a very particular space and it’s very hard to grab that again. Take the time at the end of your day to back that shit up.

    Thank you very much for reading and if you have any other tips or want to discuss your project then please drop me a message.

  • Depression Awareness Week.

    Today marks the start of Depression Awareness Week 2016. I’ve written a lot in recent months abut my own struggles with depression and anxiety. I believe it is important to. You tell your friends and family when you’re physically ill so why not when you are mentally as well.

    There’s nothing wrong with it. There’s certainly nothing wrong with you. Together we can all work on removing the stigma and ensuring that mental health concerns are appropriately and professionally handled.

    It’s not fun and it’s not pretty but it’s so important. I cried myself to sleep last night. I cried in therapy today. Every single day is hard but there are always things worth fighting for and you are the person who can do it.

    Please talk to me if you are ever feeling bad. I am here to help. Be strong and stay strong and look after yourself.

  • Free January

    I have an odd relationship with social media. It’s sort of like eating fast food. You know there’s absolutely nothing beneficial in it but for a little while it’s fulfilling. It gives you something to do with your hands. It’s something to look at. It’s usually pretty bright and shiny and will get something spilt on your trousers. In the end it will kill you and everyone you love. Alright, I didn’t completely think that comparison through. The important thing is that in January 2016 I decided to cut myself off in the name of my sanity.

    For over a decade I’ve been addicted to social media. I was on Bebo and then I was on Faceparty. I was on MySpace and then I was on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest and Instagram. Not a day goes by when I don’t write something pithy and mildly irritating to the masses (approx 700 friends on Facebook, 500 followers on Twitter, 400 followers on Instagram, 250 followers on Tumblr). It’s not a massive amount, I’m not Katanga Jenner (my knowledge of pop culture “icons” is slipping as I approach 30 and this might not even be the vacuous person I intend it to be). I sometimes feel like I owe them something, that if they don’t know what I’m eating then they’re going to struggle to sleep at night. “Sure I have a roof over my head, a wardrobe full of clothes I don’t wear and a fiancé who wants me dead but what does Paul Schiernecker think about the Cuban Missile Crisis?” I hear them crying out as they toss and turn on their pillows. It was this narcissistic tendency that made me decide I should probably give the whole thing a rest. It’s effing dangerous and it’s toxic. It was either give up social media or give up caffeine and you know how I get without my morning coffee enema.
    I’m not saying it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship with social media and I’m not saying it doesn’t offer a great deal of prospects and opportunity to do good, it’s just that it was quite nice to take a break from it.

    The first thing I had to get over was “the twitch” – the desire to reach for my phone like the heroes and villains of the old west would reach for their pistols. Any time I’m on my own, vulnerable or anxious, which to be fair is a fairly constant state of play in my life, I reach for my phone and busy myself in the world of Minion-based mum gags and photos of meal preps and protein shakes. Again, I’m not gym-shaming although I am possibly Minion-shaming. They’re about as funny as finding a lump while scrubbing the key areas in the shower. I found myself still reaching for my phone despite the fact I wasn’t about to shoot down anyone in the town of Red Rock and knowing I had deleted all social media applications from my phone on the evening of January 1st. To combat this, I took a tip from one of my favourite blogs, The Minimalists, and replaced the Facebook app with the Kindle app. I already have an account with Amazon and a Kindle but the app gives access to all the books you have in “the cloud” – that mysterious land above our heads which is slightly better than heaven because someone stole celebrity nudes from it. I also started utilising the podcasts app and am now addicted to The Nerdist, The Minimalists, Stuff You Should Know, Infinite Monkey Cage, Serial and Desert Island Discs. I’ve finally started reading War & Peace properly (currently at 12%) and I’m learning a lot more about the world around me.

    I have however found a new addiction. I’ve started eBaying. I love the thrill of the countdown, the way the digits tick over, the fact that it doesn’t feel like real money for real things until they turn up and smell like other people. I’ve realised I’m going to have to have a clear out of my wardrobe in favour of all my fancy used things from other people. I’ve got far too many jumpers (when I’ve realised I don’t really wear them) and have so many coats that I could warm a netball team (I initially said football team but doubt I could stretch to eleven unless some of them were very small and could fit in a pocket).

    I’ve been able to spend time with the people who matter to me and actually make it count. It doesn’t matter if it’s digging out dinosaur fossils with my girlfriend in the lounge, dancing to The Beatles with my godsons or running around an abandoned shopping centre from a horde of East 15 zombies, I’ve taken a lot of stuff on this month and won at it. There’s something about me that wonders if I will ever return to social media again. I know I’ve missed out on a couple of social occasions as a result of not being on Facebook and if I don’t make some kind of contact I could soon miss my own birthday but I feel like I’m actually connecting with people and enjoying things a lot more and without the desire to prove something to the outside world. I’ve had a number of conversations with a close friend about the nature of our social media selves – the version we promote – and that’s just as toxic. The second it takes to smile for a picture is bookended by the absolute sorrow that is life in the twenty-first century. Is anyone actually happy anymore? Does that happen for anyone? Answers on a postcard of your favourite Beatnik writer please.

    This month I managed to finish a manuscript about depression, plan my next book, start the Insanity workout, help film a promo video, learn to make Huevos Rancheros, read seven books, get addicted to eBay, complete GTA V, run further than ever, remain reasonably sober, book a holiday and enjoy everything presented to me. I’m not saying my life is perfect and I don’t know how much of this is just the positive outlook I try to bring to the first month of the year but the fact remains, this month, without social media, has been a holiday.

  • AFK: The Grand Canyon Trek video

  • Good Morning Arizona. 

    It’s five am and I can’t sleep. It turns out I’m not immune to jet lag in the way I’m apparently not immune to death. Yesterday we walked the rim (yes, that’s hilarious). 
    It is so beautiful out there. It’s like someone fired a shotgun into the Earth and just let the raw wound of twisted rock sit and scab. As far as the eye could see only accounted for 10% of what the total of the Canyon is. Grand Canyon National Park itself is 1.2 million acres. The parks here are as big as the portions and GC has been super sized (*makes a note of that for the book and congratulates oneself*). Everyone here is so friendly it puts me on edge. They all want to know how I’m doing and they won’t settle for anything less than “swell!” as a response. We went for dinner in the most American “family restaurant buffet” going. There was an old man in the corner doing bad covers of Creedence Clearwater Revival songs and the man on the table next to us was wearing a masked intruder t-shirt and kept disappearing, leaving his young family to fend for themselves. The waitress tottered about remembering everything off the top of her head. I refused to eat food I hadn’t heard mentioned in the Hollywood movies of my childhood so got a plate of brisket, shrimp, corn dogs, mac n cheese and ice tea for dinner. 
    I’m tired but I can’t sleep. 
    I’m hungry but even the bread tastes like diabetes. 
    I’ve seen enough tarantulas but not enough hiking. 
    Today, as Jamiriquai famously said, we are going deeper underground. 

      

  • Grand Canyon Trek: Day 1.

    We depart from London Gatwick on a flight to Las Vegas. I’ve been instructed as usual not to pack my hiking boots but to wear them to the airport and on the flight. If your bag goes missing then you can replace anything except your hiking boots.

    We transfer from LV airport to the Grand Canyon National Park. We have already been instructed to get an early night.

  • Hiking Vines.

  • You’re My Waterloo.

  • Tips for freshers.

    It hurts to admit but it has been ten years since I was a fresher. I am therefore best placed to give you advice on what to do with the rest of your week/life. There’s something that bothered me about being a fresher. It wasn’t so much that I feared being swirlied (I still fear this, I live in constant fear of this), it was more that it sounds like you’re already the victim of something. That aside, here’s my top tips for making it through and coming out the other side as a reasonable human being.

    1. Don’t take up smoking to be cool or bohemian.

    More than anything this is a cost saving thing. I’m not against smoking although it will cause you any number of problems including death if used for a prolonged period. Cigarettes are really expensive. Even buying tobacco and papers is now out of your price range. If you need to do something with your hands then buy a Rubik’s cube or take up knitting.

    2. It’s okay to sleep with nobody and it’s also okay to sleep with everybody.

    As long as everyone involved is consenting to it and you’ve detailed your hard limits then go for it. If you want to sit in eating microwave pizza and binge-watching Lost cringing at the thought of contact with another human being then go for it.

    3. Don’t even think about the debt.

    Unfortunately we are stuck with a government who think education should be for the privileged and your fees are going nowhere my friend. Each month for seven years a slice of my monthly wage has been taken away before I even see it. I’m clear of storecard and credit card debt so I don’t think about my student loan. It’s just one of those things. Chances are I’ll be dead before I pay it off so I’ll be laughing at the Student Loan Company from Hell.

    4. Don’t buy a kettle, toaster or microwave.

    Every Diana, Blair and Tinky Winky (I’ve based these names on the big stuff that happened in the year you were born if you’re 18 and therefore of university attending age by my understanding) will have been bought a kettle, toaster and/or microwave by their parents (Lyndon and Caroline (again, I’ve based this on the big stuff that happened in the year your parents were born if they were 30 when they had you)). Check into halls and get a feel for the white goods counter before you head to the Value range at Tesco, the Basics range at Sainsburys or Asda.

    5. Go to lectures.

    Take it from someone who didn’t, it won’t help. It doesn’t matter how hard your hangover hits you at eighteen, it’ll hit you a lot harder at twenty-eight and then you’ll still have to go to work and pretend to do some adulting while sweating out ill-advised jagerbombs while you try to grip a venti something-mocha. Go to lectures and learn. Knowledge is power. She will probably still be there when you get back.

    6. Cultivate new friendships but don’t forget those you had before.

    You are going to meet a lot of amazing people. I see my friends from university as often as I can. Some of them have got married. Some of them have kids. Some have grown up adult jobs. Some of them still think they’re nineteen. They’re all great. What you have to remember is that you’ll also come home to your old friends and you might even move back home after university so don’t burn those bridges. Keep everyone who is good to you and for you close. You need them.

    7. Experiment.

    If there’s a time for regrets it is when you are at university. If there is a time to find out what you’re into it is when you are at university. If there is a time to find out what you’re not into it is when you’re at university. If there is a time to assist in finding yourself, it is when you are at university. Kiss a boy (if you’re a boy, or if you’re a girl, again, consent and everything else in point 1), try and start a band, try pilates or kickboxing or crochet or croquet. I kissed a few boys and a few girls, I kissed the Incredible Hulk, I started a band, I tried pilates. Your experience doesn’t have to be the same. You don’t have to do as much or any of those things but work out what you do fancy. Keep your hard limits.

    8. Be a cheap bastard – except when it comes to two commodities; toilet roll and binbags.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you use cheap toilet rolls and binbags you are going to end up putting your finger through it and covering your hand in shit. Buy cheap fruit and vegetables because they’re still fruit and vegetables and you need that shit. Bulk buy pasta and rice because you need cards. Buy cheap bread because how else are you going to make a black pudding sandwich but trust me on the toilet roll and binbags.

    9. Get student discount in as many places as you can.

    There are websites dedicated to lists of stores and restaurants that give you student discount. Try here, here and here. You will miss that when it is gone. I’ve been fortunate enough to recently start a professional qualification which means I have regained the right to an NUS card and it is fantastic. I’m a discount pimp.

    10. Enjoy it.

    People are very quick to tell you that certain times in your life are the best years of your life. That’s bullshit. It’s what you make of it and how you categorise it. What I thought I wanted ten years ago is different from what I want now, that goes for both my life and a night out. I rarely want a Snakebite anymore for example. What I will say is that it’s the last hurrah for a lot of people before you have to get a job and commit and do all of those terrible things you’re partly putting off just by going to university so try and enjoy it. If you’re anything like me you’ll spend the whole time thinking about what a great anecdote it will make one day instead of enjoying the moment. Enjoy the moment and trust me on the toilet paper and binbags.

     

    Former me:

    10400500_14974135348_2951_n

  • Schiernecker on Schiernecker