Brit Awards 2013.

Last night I tried to avoid the Brit Awards. I did so on principle. There’s no justice in it. I’ve discovered people have no taste. People got Cameron in power. People question the almighty power of the Peanut Butter KitKat. People are idiots.
Last night I was trying to do some freelance work but stay pithy on Twitter and I had to resort to Brits chat. The Brit Awards haven’t been important to me since 1997 when I bought the Brit Awards ’97 compilation album. I believe Chumbawumba were on it.
I couldn’t help but be drawn into it all again. There were so many sparkly things and people thanking ‘god’ I was pulled like a moth to a flame.
The important thing to remember about the Brit Award is none of it matters we are all going to die.

Looking at the compiled winners list it wasn’t too terrible. There’s always been a lack of authenticity to The Brits. Didn’t 5ive once perform We Will Rock You at The Brits?
Ben Howard is a well deserved winner. To do what he does and pull in a large enough league of supporters to topple the pop-heavy nominees is a feat in itself. I was reminded of when Bon Iver won two Grammy awards in 2011 (or possibly ’12) for their brilliant second album and nobody seemed to know who they were. I believe Who IsBonnie Bear was trending on Twitter.

As much as people gripe about Mumford & Sons you can guarantee they’ll be dragging their friends through the dirt at festival season, spilling Tuborg down themselves and screaming the words to Little Lion Man in stranger’s ears so why shouldn’t they win best British group? The fact they aren’t the best British group has little to do with anything at The Brits.

Coldplay’s innovative use of flashing wristbands has caused a bigger stir than it did during the ‘new rave’ summer of ’07 seemingly, because they won best live band.
To be able to carry on making music when everyone claims they hate you is something to be admired in a way. Until the people topple the brass statue of Chris Martin in West London and start pelting it with sandals and hummus I think we will have to put up with the fact they exist.

Adele deserves best British single for Skyfall. I can’t even think of another single. How can you have a best single without Woolworths selling them? I smell a conspiracy!

War Child winning Special Recognition is right and true. The work they do is absolutely incredible and the support they have from artists and the public is heartwarming.

Last night on Twitter I heard people griping about One Direction winning Best Global Success. I can’t understand why. They appear to have taken America (and Taylor Swift’s hymen) by storm.
The key here is they are doing very well.
Will they be about in a decade?
Yes, but as talking heads on another series of The Big Reunion.
The important thing to remember is while they are in America, they aren’t here. They sure as hell can’t Apparate. Muggles.

Lana Del Ray won International Female Solo Artist based on the fact she’s not British and is technically a female. Well done Lana. Back to the cave.

Black Keys won best International band?!
Well done public. You have done something right. I forgive you for the KitKat thing.

Frank Ocean (not the son of Billy or Atlantic) for International Male. Yeah. Good call again Britain. Put the kettle on you little sod.

Emeli Sandé with best album….

I tried.
I have no jokes for this.

That’s it. That was The Brit awards. There’s a massive build up and then we are left sobbing, wiping ourselves down with a Kleenex and wondering if we are going to hell.






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