I have a terrible habit of dropping myself in it. I get this from my mother’s side. No wait, actually. I get it from both sides. I seem to often get caught trying something, I’m that guy. The one who takes a joke too far. Recently I was at the cinema with my incredibly beautiful and talented and long-time suffering girlfriend, Kate. I think it was when we saw On The Road actually. We sat at the back of the tiny studio screen and there were four other people in the room. A couple in their sixties/seventies sat directly in front of us. I was fine with this. There’s plenty of space but why not sit right in front of me, it’s cool. After the trailers finished they decided to move to a more central location and got up. As a joke I stuck my middle finger up at them and nudged Kate to show how funny I was being. She quickly shot me daggers and as I stared at her perplexed I was filled with horror because the old man had turned back for some reason to find me swearing at him and his wife. That’s the kind of stupid thing I do. It’s not big and it’s not clever but I think it will get me a quick laugh so I do it anyway.
Last night I decided to make a brilliant satirical comment on a post on Tumblr. I have a horrible feeling that someone is about to turn around in the dark and see my middle finger pointing at them again. This post was basically saying that it is terrible that New York got flooded and everyone was worried about it and yet at the moment Britain is flooded and nobody seems to care.
I decided the best thing I could do was place a flippant and disrespectful comment below this and see what happened. It turns out you get called a “fucking idiot”. I said (and you have to remember that it’s brilliant and satirical) that anyone who dies in a flood in Britain was just doing their bit for natural selection. Funny? Right? You’re still reading aren’t you? Hello.
Yeah. I thought that was quite good. Then I remembered that I was posting onto the Internet where people aren’t sane and reasonable and don’t know how hilarious I am. That is known as hitting a wall. I’ve had one response so far which I can only assume is from the person who wrote the original comment. They have however posted anonymously making the “fucking idiot” comment and saying that I obviously don’t know what natural selection is because it is mostly old people who die in floods and they’ve had their children already.
I’m in turmoil now because I don’t know whether to prove them wrong or just be quiet. I have a horrible feeling that I know which it will be.