We are sat in Ebbsfleet International, it has already been quite the adventure. Due to a miswiring in Kate’s brain she likes to be everywhere about two hours early so we are just sat having a coffee and being hilarious.
Kate was impressed that the car park barrier had my name on its LCD screen as it let us in but she was more impressed with my suitcase which is about double the size of hers, mine looks like that kid who hit puberty before everyone else and is always looming around in the back of class photos.
We got to security and I worried that I smelt of weed, and then I set the alarms off because I’m just so flipping metal! Kate was through like the breeze, and rolled her eyes at me stumbling around and crying as they performed the scissor and twist manoeuvre inside my rectum.
Kate got me a coffee to make up for the fact that we were here far too early and that’s where you find us, sipping Nero as the only people in the departure lounge.