Category: Other

Last night I had my first gig of 2013.
Last year probably held my lowest playing figures. I tend to just sit in my room and play guitar. I don’t really think about the idea of other people hearing it unless its on YouTube.

I turned up and grew more and more terrified through sound check. There didn’t seem to be any musicians in the ‘cabaret show’ at all. Everyone was powering their way through show tunes. I tentatively got up onstage, and said “I’m sorry. This isn’t from a musical”. There was a titter of laughter from somewhere and I knew everything was going to be okay.

The thing to remember about musical theatre and performing arts and those guys is you have to be an incredible singer to do it. They all were. There wasn’t a bum note or a dry eye in the house and then I got up and performed some accidental slapstick with microphones, leads and a stool before being ready to play.

My setlist was as follows:
– Everybody Want To Be A Cat.
– Get Me To Marrakech.
That was it.

Everyone did two songs. I’ve never had a set that short. I guess it’s how they roll in twirley circles. I was really pleased with my performance and it was well received. I think I was some kind of light relief.

I went to the bar afterwards and got chatting to the only other two guys there who played instruments. The nice thing about open mic type situations is you tend to club together and support the fact you’ve all spent a hideous amount of time strumming away alone in your bedroom.

As it turned out Scott & Anthony were very good and we spent the rest of the evening rubbing each others backs and egos. They’ve asked if I’m free next weekend to jam. We will see what happens.

It was nice to just get out of the house and play. It’s become a rare treat and I’m not entirely sure why.

Pre-gig tradition. Get scared. Hide in the toilet.

I’m having a lovely Sunday.
I’ve written a review of Beach Fossils new album. I’ve started work on a feature piece for Screen Geek and now I’m typing up an idea for a book I had yesterday.
It’s good to have this time.

I’m on the train. The sun isn’t up yet. My sweet ‘Man Friday’ Wiggles is feigning sleep beside me. I’m hoping the sunrise is nice today. I look forward to that each morning.
At this time of year the sun starts to rise when I am somewhere between Shenfield and Stratford on my commute. Most people on the train don’t even notice these things in the way I doubt they notice the drawings their children have made that day or when their spouses have made an extra effort with personal presentation or a meal.
It amazes me how oblivious people can be to the beautiful things in life and you can call me a stinky liberal hippie all you want but I think a sunrise is one of the most incredible things.

I remember at Glastonbury 2011 when I insisted on our last night we go and see the sunrise because on the previous night when everyone else had gone I had greened out and passed out in my tent.
The only two people who would come with were off their faces on cheap whizz and kept jabbering about paper lanterns. Then we saw Thom Yorke lumbering towards us out of the mist. My friend Mike accused him of thinking he was in Harry Potter. He paid no attention and headed off in a different direction. We headed off to pretend we were Druids.
That morning was so cloudy the sunrise was just varying greys but they were the best varying greys I can recall.

What was my point? Oh yeah, appreciate things.

It was a very good year.
I finished two novels.
I got back into journalism.
I got a promotion.
I went to Paris.
I saw some good films.
I heard some good music.
I lived.
I loved.
I continue.

January
The first thing I recall from January is that it was mine and Kate’s anniversary. One year. I’ve never managed that before, or else nobody has stuck by me that long before. It was perfect. She is perfect. I’m very lucky.
I also lost my Grandma who passed away on the twenty-eighth after fighting so hard. I still miss her every day. Things happen and I get the urge to call her up and tell her about them. She was such an incredible force and more supportive than I thought any person could possibly be. I’m carrying her with me. Every success is our success now. I still want to make her proud.

February
I turned 25. Suffered my annual birthday crisis (“oh god, I’m ageing, I’m AGEING!”) but soon got over that when Kate took me to see Backbeat, the musical about the early days of The Beatles and the loss of Stu Sutcliffe.
I also got a mandolin. I still haven’t mastered it but my Losing My Religion is almost plausible.
I finished my counselling sessions and felt ready to conquer the world.
At the end of the month I started this blog, which had over 7,000 views in 2012. It’s not Google standards but I’m proud of it and I appreciate every single visitor, commenter and contributor.

March
I spent most of the month writing my first novel Situation One. It was a task of pure pleasure. It took me nine months but on the twenty-forth I finished the first draft. I cried. I was so pleased to have finally got through something that I just cried. I’m still so proud of myself and of the story and the characters.

Kate and I went to see The Civil Wars and fell in love with them even more. It was one of the only gigs I’ve ever attended where you could literally hear a pin drop.

April
I performed in my second ever improvised comedy show. It was the first one I had done since Danny passed away and it became kind of a big deal. Before he died I told him I wasn’t going to return, that I had done the series of classes as I had promised I would but that I wanted to concentrate on other things. It turned out that I didn’t. I enjoy spending time with the group and I enjoy performing (the majority of the time). I’d like to thank him for pushing me into it in the first place, wherever he has got to.

May
I got my fourth tattoo, a puzzle piece on my left hand side. It symbolises the missing piece that I’m constantly striving for, that level of perfection that I crave.
I also got involved with a charity project for the first time, helping out at Little Havens hospice. The experience had a profound effect on me and left me wishing I could do more for those less fortunate than myself.

June
I got to take Kate to Paris. It was one of the best weeks of my life. It just secured us even further and I didn’t want it to end. Last night we were looking through the photos and there is a happiness that just shines right out at you. It was perfect.

I also sent off a copy of Situation One to a literary agent. I had this terrible fear that the rejection of it would completely bowl me over but it taught me an important lesson in believing when others don’t.

July
I took Kate to The Ritz. It was a belated birthday present for her. It was another lovely day, full of outrageously posh people and us pulling stupid faces.

August
Having not been destroyed by sending one copy of my novel off I sent out ten. One by one they were returned to me but it made me want it even more.
I also returned to Reading festival with my dear sidekick James. He made me watch Odd Future, I made him watch The Shins. We got to catch up and spend some quality time together. Seeing The Vaccines and Kasabian with him was one of my highlights of the year. Don’t tell him I said that though.

September
Kate and I decided to elope to Devon for a couple of days. This was arranged in the post-Paris slump we found ourselves in. It was lovely to see the places she had visited when she was little and accompanied by the clan.

I also got accepted to journey across the Sahara for charity. This was as a direct result of two things; my desire to help people and my recent wanderlust. I’ve raised over £500 so far. As part of my fundraising I recorded a five track EP that people could download in exchange for donations. It turned out to be annoyingly catchy for some.

October
I landed my first article for film website Screen Geek. Having not written anything journalistic in two years I managed to get back on the horse. I’m now writing for Sound Influx as well and looking for any other work in the new year. I also put the pieces in motion for NaNoWriMo.

November
In three weeks I wrote my second novel Visions Of Violet. This is literally all I did for a month. There was nothing else. It has since reduced women to tears and needs redrafting and sending off this year.
I performed in my third improv show, raising £70 for The Prince’s Trust.
I also managed to secure a promotion at work and am now a manager, which is possibly one of the most terrifying sentences ever composed.

December
I started work on my third novel (currently called Hold On Sue Zen) but realised I needed some down time so in Hemingway spirit threw myself at alcohol. It worked out quite well. I ended the year purged and cleansed and ready to go again.

*********

I know that isn’t everything that happened. Those are just the key things that shaped my year. I apologise if I left something out that you were involved with. It mattered.

While writing this I delved into my journal and found my resolutions for 2012.

Finish first draft of Situation One
Finish Stamp Collective script
Write, record and produce an EP
Save money
Learn French

I don’t think I did too badly.

Here’s to 2013 though.
I’m going to compose an equally ridiculous set of resolutions and push myself harder than ever to get where I want to be. Nobody else is going to do it.

This will be my last post of 2012.
I just wanted to take a couple of minutes to thank people.
Firstly thank you if you have visited my blog this year. It makes it seem that much more natural and worthwhile to know I’m not the only person checking what I have written.

I would like to thank Ben Spall for his help in shaping me and the blog this year. He probably doesn’t realise how much input he actually had. I very much stole from his Life Rapture at the moment of conception. Despite what he keeps telling me I haven’t bought a .com domain yet but it’s on my to do list for 2013.

I would also like to thank Kate for reading each post before I have to tell her to do it. She’s inspired a lot of my love for life and shared a lot of my experiences this year. You should check out her Attempts At Self Autonomy blog as well.

I would like to thank Sam Faulkner for giving me a break back into journalism this year. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the serene darkness and the geeky adoration.

I must thank James for his help in keeping me grounded, otherwise he will read this and Whatsapp me later “Oi you prick, I’ve helped”.

Thank you to Stacy for reading whatever I throw at her quicker than I can write it.

Thanks to Abby, Andrew, Niall, Stephanie and Hollyhock for your comments and assistance over Twitter.

Thanks to Lottie and Emily for keeping my faith. I don’t think you realise how much your kind words can impact.

Thanks to Jocasta, you are my rock.

I think that’s it as far as the blog goes, I would thank my parents but they don’t read it and if anything have served as a hindrance. I’m kidding. They’re alright.

Thank you though, it honestly means a lot.

I’m stepping up in 2013.

Peace & love.

Paul.

I’m beginning to miss Laptop, it has been a week since I took her to the geniuses at the Apple Solution Centre. They said they would look at it on Thursday. It’s now Saturday. I’m just shivering on the floor right now.

I want to carry on writing but the first chapter is only on that computer. I don’t want to rewrite it as it could be a waste of time and Laptop could be fine but I don’t want to start anything else, it’s on my mind, it’s the obvious thing to do next. Novel number three. Ho hum.

I guess the important lesson in all of this is to make sure you back your work up. I don’t even know how much stuff I have lost, or potentially lost. I have started different projects in the last two years that are near completion and the sole copy is on that computer. I had two episodes of a sitcom, half a novel and a bunch of short stories and it just makes me want to work harder to replace it all when that shouldn’t really be a concern.
There are two lessons there actually; back everything up and don’t take your Mac in the bathroom.

I think there will come a time when I limit my blog entries. I’ve been writing something every single day for the best part of a year and I honestly believe that I am running out of things to talk about. It’s become a trial some mornings to get up the steam for anything.

I’m starting to wonder if it will be better if I only write when I feel inspired. That’s the way I go about doing anything so why shouldn’t it be the case for my blog.
There are times when I feel genuinely enthused on a subject and I will certainly turn to my blog for those but I can’t keep writing this as well as reviews and novels, I need to shift focus.

Will you miss me when I’m gone?

I’ve finished being moody. I promise. Yesterday was actually very good. I am not entirely sure what I was so pent up about but it has subsided. It was really nice to be around a dining table with the people I love and after I got to go and play with my friends. For the past decade I have had the same group of friends and there are things that happen in that circle that just wouldn’t make sense elsewhere. We drift off and we get back and it’s the same. Long may it continue.
This year we decided to make presents as everyone is reasonably poor. I baked everyone Oreo stuffed cookies and in return I got a t-shirt with my face on it, a drawing of the five of us and a rather questionable DVD featuring all of us in compromising and photoshopped poses.
Ross and Luke are off travelling on Tuesday and I’m going to miss them. It’s strange because we don’t see each other every day but the fact that I won’t be able to see them is what bothers me. I’m also wild with jealousy.

In positive vibe news though, the days get longer from here on in.