This weekend I had something of a blip in my mental health. I just thought it was worth mentioning as a reminder that this shit doesn’t just go away and is something that I continue to battle like that bowlcut-headed twerp in The NeverEnding Story.
Depression and anxiety are a total bitch. I wish there was any other way around it. I got home on Friday and I felt good about things. I woke up on Saturday and I thought my entire body was going to get sucked into a black hole in my chest. That’s just how it presents itself in me. I can’t speak for anyone else. I sat with that awful feeling all day and although I was able to get on with a project I’ve been working on, I didn’t want to see anyone, I couldn’t leave the house and I found myself breaking down into tears and having to tell my mum that I was struggling.
It’s hard for people to get their head around. Nothing has to happen. Nothing necessarily kicks it off but then I get sick and I feel rubbish for a couple of days and then I’m alright again. It’s horrible when you’re in the midst of it.
Fortunately I had a very good friend turn up and sit with me and the sadness on Sunday evening so by Monday at 11am I was actually able to leave the house and get further than a couple of miles from my sofa.
I just wanted this to serve as a reminder to myself as much as anyone else that there are times when it sucks and there are times when everything seems awesome and that life is a constant back and forth between those two with plenty of leeway. It’ll get better again. It might get worse again. Fuck it. Enjoy the ride.
I would like to thank Steph, as well as my mum, my dad, my brothers, Jill, and anyone else who reached out to me when things went dark.